Memories and Shadows
by CottoncandyGk
Summary: Even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength. -'Frederick Buechner' Rating may change in future chapters. Kurama/F!OC possible Botan/M!OC
1. Prologue: When we were young!

**Disclaimer:** I own absolutely nothing with the exception of the twins, mother, father and any others that do not appear in the Anime/Manga. All quotes/song/etc. are respectfully given credit to their creators and such.

**Note: **I actually had this idea in my head for a good long while. I basically pulled the main character, FemaleOC, from two cousins, one who is mute, a guy and the other with heart problems, a girl. The one who is mute is freaking huuuuge. Anyways I wanted to base this off them, with their permission of course. I hope that I did them justice and do the character's story justice as well. Mainly this story will be AU with the characters hopefully in IC, in character.

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The sole aspect of humanity is based that ever individual is unique. Some are born single, others in pairs or even in odds. Some are born good, some bad and others neutral. My existence came in a pair. As to whether I was born good or not remained to be seen. I was born a twin to a male counterpart, I being the oldest by two minutes. My life began difficult, unexpected. I was born mute with heart problems, Atrial Fibrillation (1) and a small stature. It turned out that in my mother's womb, my brother had gotten the majority of the nutrients while I had gotten only some. We were born early due to the stress it placed on my mother, tiny as she was and she went into labor at 36 weeks.

When I was finally out the doctors were worried about the fact that I did not cry. I wiggled, and my mouth opened in tiny screams but nothing came out except tiny whimpers. My brother, on the other hand, yelled his little lungs out until they were sure they would explode which my mother still made fun of him today for. Her loud-mouth little man. Embarrassingly funny for me when it was brought up and I would always silently laugh much to his dismay.

My vocal cords never developed properly and even though I could grunt and whimper softly, it was not considered much and in the end I was diagnosed as being mute. Because I was small, much smaller than my brother, I was in an incubator for many days until I could properly breathe on my own and placed on medication for my heart that left me weak in body for the rest of my life. Or I would hope not, anyways, but the doctors said it was a possibility. So my hopes are lower than most.

In a way, I think god hated me since I was first born due to everything that had come to pass but my parents were loving and though they cried because they thought they failed me, they cried thinking my brother would somehow suffer the same fate and have problems of his own, but he did not and they continued to love me and for that I was grateful.

I grew up learning to sign. It bonded the family since everyone learned for my benefit. I even had to carry flash cards around my neck with a silver chain attached in punched out holes for people that could not understand me. I had a small book bag always with me with several packs of cards and pens for everyday life. I felt like a laughing stalk when I held them up for teachers and secretly I knew they laughed and pitied me behind my back and around others. I hated their pity.

_What better way for us to grow closer?_ My parents reminded me when I began to learn. Yeah. But it felt forced but for them I kept it to myself. I did not wish to upset them.

I was special. I was always reminded but in the end I felt like a burden. They always had to watch me closely as a baby. My mother eventually had to quit her job until I grew older and she made sure I was okay. I would fall and sometimes get hurt enough to leave scars. Because I could not cry sometimes they would not notice until it was too late. I had constant reminders on my skin, heavy to light scars and one on my forehead and nose from a table. It left me with an empty heart when I was old enough to understand why my mother would sometimes cry after tending to my wounds. My brother, somehow instinctively understanding, began to shadow me afterwards. And every time I would fall or almost get hurt or did he would be my voice. My siren and alarm. My mother was grateful and would call him her second alarm clock. Always the loud one.

Even to this day we had a system. They would tap or knock on my door with Morris code and I would answer in kind to let them know the situation and when I did not respond they would barge in to make sure I was fine. They went so far as to give us a matching set of necklaces.

_For protection..._ They said. But from what or whom, I would always wonder. They even went so far as to make us promise never to remove them. _Especially when you get older._ They said it was for the better. _To hide your 'auras'._ It sounded too hippy-ish. I never knew what they meant but they looked desperate so I accepted without fuss and always kept it on me. Even had my dad make a clip behind it so I could clip it on like a brooch.

Growing up in London was beautiful, proper. My mother was full Japanese and my father was English. They met at a convention my mother went to as a nurse and my father a Doctor. He was thirty and she was in her early twenties. They looked so young and beautiful and never seemed to age much except my mother whom had small crow's feet on the side of her eyes but otherwise she remained youthful. They fell in love at first sight, as cliché as it sounds but they are still together and very much in love with no end in sight so there had to be something to it. That was the story they told us, anyways. We always made jokes that they were somehow like wolves, they mated for life and we were their cubs. We told our parents one day and when they did not even chuckle and looked at us alarmed we never spoke of it again and it was forgotten. But we always wondered in the back of our minds, why the alarm, why those shifty eyes.

My brother and I grew to both cultures. English and Japanese speakers, or in my case writer and I knew what they were saying and could sign both, but it worked out. We were oddities. We were mutts. We were identical, but we were not. Almond shaped eyes, very Asian looking but not, high cheekbones, black straight hair, light silver eyes with freckles of blue. One tall and muscled, one short and petite compared to the other. It was strange and we were picked on often.

I was young when I grew depressed, my weight fluctuated often and at one point I grew heavy set. I had stretch marks and my once 'pretty' face was a bit rounder. I was called fattass, wide load, and other typical insults and because I could not speak it was pressed down on me and no one would leave me alone. I could not defend myself and though my brother tried and beat up some of the kids that found it funny to upset me, it still did nothing and I grew sadder but hid it under fake smiles and silent chuckles or a stoic face. I could always hide it from my parents but never him, never my brother who was my other half, my opposite and also my copy.

I found that he felt the most responsible for me because of the way I turned out. He blamed himself because he turned out fine, 'perfect' to my parents as I would often sign to him and I was the 'special' one. I never blamed him, though. But at night, after a day of suffering and crude laughter, it was not my sobs I heard. It was his. And I would go into his room and hold him until we passed out from out tears. We would always find ourselves in each other's rooms. It was our second home to the point that we each had clothing in the others drawers and closets.

Time passed and we grew older. My brother grew taller and bigger and I stayed small and felt petite. I had hips due to my old weight and I developed early and fuller due to my English heritage. Our eyesight grew weird. At points we could see far and clear and at times we couldn't and we saw close and sharp. So we got glasses and contacts to correct it. It seemed to work. We got matching black square glasses. They made us feel hip and different.

I grew in academics and he grew in sports. Though I lost the weight I gained when I was small at the age of 14, my stretch marks stayed, only fading a bit after creams and I continued to stay self-conscious and shy. I had no friends but my brother did and my family became worried. At a young age I used to look at the shadows that cover the dark spaces of our possessions and it felt like they moved with me. I used to imagine that they were real and I used to play with them. For some reason, my parents were never alarmed because of that. In fact I thought they would institutionalize me for it, but they just smiled a knowing smile and said it was awesome. Even as I grew older I'd feel like the shadows of trees and people would follow me, but as soon as I'd look, nothing would happen so I learned to ignore it and continue my everyday life.

I was a hermit most of the time and since I could remember all I would do is just read, draw, which I grew good at or write. I learned to cook to give myself something to do when at home with my brother and we were hungry or when my parents were away at work or visiting friends and would surprise them with dinner. I even began to get into the art of whittling (2). My hands, though still soft and smooth, had knicks and calluses from the hard work I put into creating. I would create chess pieces or small tables and chairs with intricate designs. I had had the knicks and calluses beforehand from learning the violin when I was 5. I found that due to my lack of speech my other senses were sharper and my instructor told me I was a natural. Though for some reason I always felt it would have even been exceptionally sharp without my disabilities. It was the same within our immediate family with the exception of my mother. It was like we could hear a fly sneeze. But either way I loved the violin. It helped me express myself better than half the time and it kept me sane with it melodic sound.

Because I was on medication for my heart I was generally always weak. I would cough roughly and my heart would be in pain ranging from minutes to hours. I could not run for an extended period of time because the shortness of breath would hinder me. And one day after I turned 15 I suffered an attack after being chased by tormentors and it lead me to the hospital. It was difficult for a while and my family suffered. They would spend days at the hospital with me hoping that I would pull through. In the end it was a miracle I did. My father received a promotion and finally decided to move us. He said Japan was the place even though he really did not wish to return anytime soon after the first time he went, my mother, to my shock, agreeing wholeheartedly. Their top notch doctors and medicine would benefit me well. He told me he did not wish a repeat of it and would no matter how reluctant he was go, claiming that no parent should have to bury their child and then cried. And without question we moved. For me, the burden. Always for me.

When we arrived, luckily I had skipped a grade so I spent the year home studying, brushing up on the language and growing better and stronger each day. I had taken a test to enter a prestigious school, Meioh High. It had high academics and even though pricey I wanted to become something, hoping I would live long enough to repay them back for everything. Receiving the acceptance letter made my family happy and pushed my one step closer to a good college and to fulfilling my dream.

We even had a little mini party later that evening and though my brother going to a different school, more specifically Sarayashiki, upset me but he promised to come pick me up every day so I would not feel lonely and to make sure no one picked on me. Him being almost 6 feet at age 16 with big muscles that for some odd reason he achieved without even trying and I being a small 5'4", shy and speechless girl, it had made me more secure than I would have ever imagined. A month had passed before the first day of school approached and though I was nervous and my heart hurt from it, I was excited. I hoped that god would appease my wish and finally give me luck. But in the end if He did not hear me, I only hoped that it would be different and I would enjoy my new life and clean slate.

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**Chapter End**

****Well that was the prologue. _Read_ and _Review_ if you wish.

**(1) **I have a cousin who was born with this, sadly. She had a heart attack when she was 15, mild case with hardly any side effects. She can't exercise heavily, she gets really dizzy, is super tired half the time and her chest usually feels tight. It's really sad. It runs in our family line and though I'm lucky not to have it, it still makes me want to take the pain away from her if I only could. She is lucky that it is only a mild case and sometimes she doesn't even get symptoms but with her medication, it really weighs on her heavily.

**(2)** Whittling is working with wood, bone, etc. When I actually began doing this, I cut myself more often than not and it is not an easy thing to master. Not cutting yourself, I mean. The best thing I made in my opinion is a chess set.


	2. First Encounters

**Disclaimer:** I own absolutely nothing with the exception of the twins, mother, father and any others that do not appear in the Anime/Manga. All quotes/song/etc. are respectfully given credit to their creators and such.

**Note: **This story is not going to be a typical romance, love at first sight, everyone is happy; she is godly with powers type. I want her to suffer to achieve what she gets in the end. By no means do I hope to make her a mary-sue. If I get facts wrong in any way, I would appreciate a heads up so I can fix it. I need to brush up on the backgrounds of the characters, places and the powers so it's going to be an adventure for all.

**Note 2**:

'BLAH' -Sign language.

"BLAH" -Speech.

_BLAH_ - Thoughts.

_**BLAH**_ - Hiei or others speaking through their thoughts.

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The shadows tend to hold the darkest secrets that cloud my mind often. I remember the first time I ever met him. It had been a week since we arrived and it was still summer and a few days before school finally started. To say that I loathed the possibility of being surrounded by students, teachers, others or just anyone in general that was not a part of my family was an understatement.

I had not left the house since we've arrived, except to the garden but that was not even a foot outside the door, let alone I did not even spend enough time outside for it to be considered a healthy amount. My mother did not want the possibility of me being a hermit once more so she forced me and my brother outside reminding us that it was a new place and a new possibility to start new and make friends. So yesterday she had taken us to the bank to set me and my brother up an account. For what? I had absolutely no idea. Then it was endless shopping at the mall in where she made me try out everything she could get her hands on saying that I needed something other than the baggy clothes that hid every patch of skin I could as my only wardrobe and look more like a lady. Today was to explore the small shops that surrounded us and 'hang out' like normal teenagers while I wore a white and yellow summer dress and flats that made me feel like a fool and I felt like all the scars on my legs from falling when I was a child were on display.

I think my mother had too many high hopes, for me at least, that would be shot down sooner or later.

The first place we explored was a flower shop. It was a quaint little place and it smelled so fresh and clean, my brother automatically gravitating towards it more than me like a bee to honey. It was as though the pollution surrounding the city no longer existed in that place. It made me happy just to be around there.

My brother, being in his teens alongside me, was a normal guy; arcades, girls and hanging out were his first priority, other than the family, so every place, girl and arcade was his intended target. I on the other hand, had no idea what I wanted to do but I was leaning towards going home and starting a new charcoal drawing or even painting or reading.

We had gotten weird looks from the native people. When we first arrived our mother and father warned us about the possibility that even though we were half Japanese, it still did not hide our foreigner looks and my brother's speech so we would be looked upon with suspicion. They were right, of course. We got weird looks and even though I did not say a word and just signed when I was asked something I knew I got judgmental looks and whispers behind my back or just unnerving stares.

We had been walking for more than three hours, my breath was coming out a bit short and I wanted to go home soon. But when I had seen a library as we passed and wanted to check it out and possibly buy some books, I felt I was too much of a nerd.

Grudgingly, my brother let me do as I pleased and started to follow me up the short amount stairs to the decent size library but as I was near the top, it was strange. I felt something behind me and it made me stop. Ask me what it was and I would not be able to tell you but when I looked away from the entrance and to a small cafe across the street, the first thing I saw was bright red hair. At first glance, I thought it was a woman. Such shine and it was long to the point where I assumed it was a she but then he turned and I noticed his outfit, I knew differently. He had this...power about him, in his eyes and the way his body stood with confidence that sent shivers up my spine.

As though he felt my shivers himself, his eyes strayed to mine and caught my attention. At first I did not know what to do. It was difficult to look away and his smile was kind and charming as was his wave but for some reason, it was misleading. I knew that smile and those fake kind eyes. Fake ones he shows to all. He had secrets, he reminded me about myself. Alone, but not. I hated him in that instant. I never really hated anyone except those that bullied me but he was the exception. He was everything I wasn't. He was calm, confident, perfect.

Narrowing my eyes, I turned away and refused to acknowledge him but not before catching his shock. Perhaps because he was beautiful and unique he tended to attract anything that moved and women would just swoon and flock to his side like chickens with their heads chopped off but not me. I felt different, I was different. I didn't like him nor did I wish to know him. He had been with a few others anyways and looked rather close to them. It was not like he would care anyways. I was a nobody.

Throughout the rest of the day, I felt a chilling stare on my back. Like someone was watching me but every time I turned to look, no one was there or I would catch the ends of long spiky black hair. I started to develop a headache for some reason. It felt like a jackhammering at the very center of my forehead, where my third eye would be.

We had arrived in the library, signing up and receiving a card to check out and buy books. I had always enjoyed it here, in a place full of books. It was like my second home. No one judged me, no one made fun of me and I liked the quiet without the teasing. I had felt something shift behind me suddenly, like a fast wind and it seemed to only tap me on the shoulder. I jolted forward from the electric current that passed from the light touch of it and painfully into the shelf in front of me. Rubbing my chest from the shock and then my arm that I knew would home a new bruise, I shivered and looked behind me to find no one there, again, just me and some old books.

What I had felt through that shock, the shadow that passed bellow me before I felt the sudden touch, was dark and angry. It scared me for some reason and I could no longer stay in that one place alone. I looked for my brother then and signed almost way too quick and frantic with shaking hands for him to understand that I had wanted to leave and go home. At first, he said it was paranoia. He said it was probably a cute guy checking me out and he'd have to beat him up, but who would like me?

My face still retained a small chubby look, a bit fuller on my cheeks. My mother would pinch them and said it was cute and added to my charm, I scoffed silently and rolled my eyes at the memory. My eyes had a sharp look to them and made me look odd. Stoic and sometimes mad when I was contemplating and even though my face only had two old scars and a small amount of freckles it still took attention away and focused on that heavily. Boys where shallow sometimes. They saw one imperfection and it was over and you were too ugly for them.

In the end, I forcefully ignored it and the feeling went away quickly like it was never there.

As I was checking out and bought the books I wanted after an hour of contemplation, luckily reminding myself that I had to change the currency of our money the day before when we went to the bank, I spotted the red head enter into the building calmly as though nothing bothered him. He looked around, his emerald eyes searching, calculating. When they went around and spotted me, my eyes went wide and I realized I'd stared too long and got caught. But as I looked away hurriedly, I spotted the all-knowing smirk on his face and realized that I was right in assuming that his self-loving attitude knew no bounds. Prick.

We started to exit, but the group of friends, albeit a smaller version of the one I saw with him was blocking the door with their huge frames. They looked to us, and I felt a dark chill go up and down my spine from the shortest one of the group. My brother stepped in front of me, my hands automatically grabbing the back of his shirt.

"Can I help you…?" He spoke coolly, his British accent heavily influenced into his Japanese but it was still understandable.

They didn't answer for a long moment; they just stared as though from that they would get all the answers they sought. The red head stepped forwards with a kind smile on his face and shook his head. The obvious peace maker to the heavy tension that was starting to surround us.

"Ah, no. We spotted you both heading in here. We do not see many foreigners, so we assumed you were new to the area. We just wanted to say hello and introduce ourselves." He spoke with such a calming elegance that it almost made me want to stick my head out and greet him. Almost.

Shaking my head into my brother's back, he turned his head slightly to look at me. I did not want to meet them. He knew it when he saw into my eyes.

"Sorry, but I think we are headed home for now and don't have time to stay and chat." He took a breath before placing a fake small smile on his lips to appear friendly. "So excuse us…" His sharp tone and ever increasingly tense body left no room for further discussion and grabbed my hand and headed out quickly. Passing by them, I tried not to look them in the eye but it was impossible and I saw the look in the red head's eyes. He looked at us coolly, like we were interesting, dangerous or something disgusting. I couldn't tell which.

Before we passed them completely, I felt one of them grab my arm tightly and jolt me away from my brother's grip with a sharp pull. It was the short man, although a slight bit taller than me by an inch or two, he looked me in the eyes and I could not look away or calm the fear growing in my heart. My brother tensed fully, a loud growl coming from his throat and it looked like he wanted to lunge at them and beat them up but I was in the way and he would not risk my safety.

"What are you, onna?" His dark and deep voice spoke out to me menacingly. When I did not answer, by some lucky chance forgetting my flash cards with my name and answers to questions I was frequently asked, he looked to grow inpatient.

"Now, Hiei. Release her. You heard them." He addressed the one holding me in place, calmly but with a slight hint of dark humor in his tone. "They must be on their way.." The red head told his companion.

Releasing me sharply, I brought my arm to my chest and painfully clutched it. My heart was pounding too hard and I heard it in my ears. My brother grabbed me then, forced to pick me up bridal style and rush out the door and away from the group as they looked at our retreating forms in question.

He ran all the way home with me in his arms as I tried to calm my heart until I could take my medicine. When we arrived my mother and father were frantic, asking what had happened. When he explained, she had a sad look on her face and my father looked like he would go into a raging fit. Perhaps they had thought that because of that experience I would shut myself inside my room and never come out. The sad and pitiful looks had me rethink just that. I did not want to upset them or continue to give me those looks so I smiled and told them I was okay.

In the end, my heart calmed after the medicine and I had started to read one of my new books but as I looked out from my window on the second floor of my home, I felt like something was still watching me. The shadow of the big tree outside started to change in the slightest bit and I could no longer keep the curtains open. Closing it, I forced my mind to be blank as I crawled into bed. I was tired and these few days I had before my freedom was taken from me after a long year of recovery were precious. I was to go out into the world again after so long of staying away from others. I had to be strong, though. For my family and especially for myself. I did not want to be weak and afraid anymore. But if I knew what the future held for me at that time, I would have stayed away from everything but not everything comes out as one would have planned. That, I would learn the hard way.

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**End Chapter.**

**AN**: I'm making Hiei a bit taller because I can and this story is AU. He is too short for my liking and amazingly sexy. So yeah…This is not going to be a simple beginning. So I hope I can pull this off. Anyways, I hope this story comes out okay. Read and Review if you'd like.


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